Thoughts, Musings and Revelations
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
2008 in Retrospect:
2008 is significant because of the following things:
-I voted for the President Elect in the February Primary, and in the November Election
-I live- blogged the election results, with some efficacy
-I got my heart broken and re- broken
-I learned to be alone, and learned how to rely on God wholly
-I learned that silence is sometimes the answer to my prayers
-I pledged Alpha Delta Chi
-I grew closer to my closest friends, and farther from my luke- warm friends
-I declared my major: History!
-I took 4 upper- division History courses, along with an English class and a Physics course in one semester
-I raised my GPA gradually
-I did the things people said I could not: running a race on a foot recently healed, taking 21 units, working and pledging a sorority, and replacing a broken computer.
-I learned what love looks like in practice
-I learned how to ask others for help and prayer
-I was humbled and uplifted by circumstances- simultaneously
-I got to know myself a little more. :)
Overall, this was a good year. God is good to me.
how about your year?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Grades
As I move to apply to Law Schools (capitalized for significance) I am realizing how much faith this process will require. I just need to trust in God and act boldly.
That's all for now.
What Do I Have in Common with These People?
Susan B. Anthony
Arthur Ashe, tennis champion
Augustus Caesar (Gaius Julius Caesar Octavianus)
Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)
William J. Bennett, "drug czar"
William F. Buckley, Jr.
Raymond Burr (Perry Mason, Ironsides)
Chevy Chase (Cornelius Crane) (Fletch)
Phil Donahue
Michael Dukakis, governor of Mass., 1988 U.S. Dem. pres. candidate
Greg Gumbel, television sportscaster
Hannibal, Carthaginian military leader
Veronica Hamel (Hill Street Blues)
Angela Lansbury (Murder, She Wrote)
Orel Leonard Hershiser, IV
Peter Jennings
Charles Everett Koop
Ivan Lendl
C. S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia)
Joan Lunden
Edwin Moses, U.S. olympian (hurdles)
Martina Navratilova
Charles Rangel, U. S. Representative, D-N.Y.
Pernell Roberts (Bonanza)
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Governor of California
Josephine Tey (Elizabeth Mackintosh), mystery writer (Brat Farrar)
Rudy Giuliani, former New York City mayor
Donald Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Defense
General Colin Powell, US Secretary of State
Lance Armstrong
Richard Gere (Pretty Woman)
Katie Couric
U.S. Presidents:
Chester A. Arthur
Calvin Coolidge
Thomas Jefferson
John F. Kennedy
James K. Polk
Woodrow Wilson
Fictional:
Cassius (Julius Caesar)
Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
Gandalf the Grey (J. R. R. Tolkein's Middle Earth books)
Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)
Professor Moriarty, Sherlock Holmes' nemesis
Ensign Ro (Star Trek--the Next Generation)
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Hamlet)
George Smiley, John le Carre's master spy
Clarice Starling (Silence of the Lambs)
yep... we're all INTJs on the Myer- Brigg Personality scale.
*yep*
http://typelogic.com/intj.
Transparency and Repentance: Pt. 3
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Sonnet 43,
I rather like this sonnet. I especially enjoy this particular German translation. I can't seem to find it right now... but that's o.k.
I was thinking... I was such a fool when I was younger- even 6 months back. I was far too malleable and reading old emails and correspondences... not strong enough. This is particular to my ways of relating with males.
I used to wonder, "Does anyone want me?" That was a particularly painful question that only brought me more pain as I coped in detrimental ways- attachments and the like. And it hurt far more when unwitting guys described me as "awkward."
I remember the first time- it was back in 9th grade. I was innocent of certain social conventions, and transparency is not acceptable it seems. I had an unabashed crush on a guy- puppy love, I guess. He told me that I was "awkward." Since then I have not used the word "awkward" to refer to myself. I may be tall and gangly*, but I am certainly not awkward. I have grown into myself, thank you very much.
It may seem strange to have a hang- up about a word- but I think my 14 year old heart saw it as more... a rejection of me. I simply didn't fit anywhere, and I was AWKWARD.
Another guy even called me insecure. First I was hurt, then I was quite angry. The only reason I put up with him was because I wanted to "cure" his insecurities. I wanted to support him in his indecision and second- guessing. When he turned on me, I felt as though some cruel mirror had been held up to my face. I realized that my motives were wrong, and I moved on. I felt less constrained and I shed the weight of his insecurities and spread my own wings. I took up running again. :D
I have few insecurities, if any. :) I don't like long flights of stairs, I rarely look in the mirror (only because I think I look awesome already! And I think that bathroom lighting is unnatural), and I don't like to pussy- foot around the truth. I am not an insecure person.
Or at least I don't think I am.
I think I am awesome. :D I mean, its the dialogue in my head when I see myself on PhotoBooth or in the mirror. I'm quite pretty, and I carry myself with confidence. I inhabit my 6' tall frame- no more hunching or apologizing for my height. God made me this way.
Personality- wise, God made me a distinct person- knowledgeable, expressive, transparent, hopeful, giving and truthful to a fault. I appreciate that more, and I know that there is someone who will appreciate that as well. :) I do not plan to change for anyone- no more malleable being... nope. If God wants to shape me further, let it be His will. But the will of a man will not change me.
That's all for now.
*Apparently not a word in the dictionary... this word might be a corruption of "ungainly"
Friday, December 26, 2008
as I go into 2009
I'll sum up my Christmas in 7 words:
- gumbo
- karaoke
- pearls
- movies
- family
- fun
- goofiness
I am considering moving back home and commuting to school- at MLK School of Law at UC Davis. I am also drawn to several schools on the East Coast. It would be better in terms of cost to stay here, but I feel that outside of California, my degree means more. And that means more opportunity.
As for my heart, I've built some walls about it, and I need to figure out if I want to let anyone- any particular person- into my heart, or if I want to wall myself in. The answer seems obvious, but the effort it takes to pursue that answer is a deterrent. My mom was telling me that a lonely heart aches just as much as a broken one. I don't want to wall my heart in. Yeah I've been hurt, but I can't use that as an excuse to make others pay for the mistakes of another. Gotta step out of my comfort zone and take a risk... somehow.
For 2009, I hope to continue to move on and succeed as I have.
-Arri
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
A Praise:
I just finished my German 1 final. It was far easier than I anticipated. I have work in 3 hours, so I will be chilling until then.
I just wanted to take a moment and celebrate what God has done in my life. He has brought me through and made me a stronger woman. I mean... it is amazing. I looked back 6 months and it was shocking just how malleable my will was. I was far too easily influenced and not rooted in His Word. It took ripping what was most precious to me from my hands and my heart to make me the person I am now. Thank you God!
I almost descended to depression, but God's grace brought me through.
I thought I was losing my mind, but God's mercy protected me.
I felt weak, but His strength bolstered me.
Thank you Lord.
-arri
Monday, December 15, 2008
Hi God, Can I talk to you now?
Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'
Matthew 4: 1-4
and one more thing:
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
John 1:1
Sounds like a divine riddle, huh? Just something to chew on for now.
and I'll stop making puns about food, eating, etc. :D
What do you think?

Ok, so I bought a nice little pearl ring. It has 2 pearls set in sterling silver with a pair of cut cubic zirconia- all in a semi- floral pattern. I like pearls a lot- enough to get one on my pinna (upper ear) piercing. So, if I want, I can wear 3 pearls at any given time. (3 is a significant number for me, because I was born on June the 3rd. :) )
What do you think?
Well, the first thing I thought was, "man my hands look funny." But the ring is mighty perty IMO.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
11- 12- 2008 Thursday: Updates

A bit of news:
I found my old 12" PowerBook. Alas, it appears to be non- functioning... the battery no longer holds a charge. A moment of silence for Tiger.
I took out the recycling and the trash.
I'm writing 2 papers.
the end.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
(Flashback) June 17, 2007
Yesterday was another momentous day. :D It happened so suddenly, a series of unfortunate events thoroughly counteracted with delicious food, and enjoyable company.
It began as an innocuous party, the usual fun, good food, family party. And then, I fell. I missed the step, and fell. I didn't hear anything but the thud as I hit the floor hard. That hurt. Dorothy panicked, and I just hobbled, mumbling the mantra, "I'm fine." I hobbled up and down the stairs, in and out of the house, until it became unbearable. Upon closer inspection, my food had swollen, well, alot, and my pace was dramatically slower.
Despite that pain, I went down to Anna's dock, and watched them [Karen, Adam, Dorothy, Anna, Sarah, SuFey, et al...] canoe on the creek. Upon a whim, I decided to go canoing too. Just as we pushed off, and began to feel the current, we over compensated, and tipped the canoe. The moment I fell underwater, I think I took a deep breath, because when I was under there... it was a very calm moment. I looked around, casually viewing the green plants that wrapped around my legs, and the bay fish that swam away. It was a moment that should have been accompanied with music. Immediately, my body took over, and I waded ashore, despite my now injured knee and foot. And all I could do was laugh and be thankful that I had worn a good bra, and also thankful for the fact that my hearing aid was in perfect working order. :D PTL!! PTL!
Later, when the sun went down, we went to a drive- in and saw Ocean's 13. [this was my 2nd time, so I opted for sleep.] Icing my foot, and sleeping, I managed to find relative comfort in constant pain. And now, I think I shall sleep.
Thanks all for the help! (you included, Patty!)
(flashback) June 25, 2007
I see this injury as an opportunity (also a pain in the butt). I am learning to ask for help; conversely learning to help others. There are many examples in my life, that I can model myself after [Leslie, Julie, Dorothy, Anna, that random girl who stopped to help me... etc] and plenty more who I have yet to answer to.
Despite not being able to wear one shoe, I relish wearing a cute shoe on my other foot. :D Why not? That's what summer's for!
Confession: Sometimes, I wish I was a better writer. Seriously...
-Arri
(flashback) Fatigue
I've always been ignorant of my own limits. In HS, I pushed and pushed to be the best: Honor Roll, 4.3 GPA, Member of 11 clubs [officer in 3], Art displayed in galleries, Poetry wins writing contest, 2 essays published, member of my church's Youth Group... the list went on.
When I reached senior year, I finally felt the tiredness I should have back in my 2nd year. I scaled back to 5 clubs, and started enjoying my lunches with friends.
Now, I've been here at Cal for 1 year. From the start, I was working 16- 20 hours a week with 18- 21 units. Despite taking a large load of writing classes, I managed to have a social life, and be involved with CalJourney.
This summer, I've seen the limits of pain- breaking my foot and living with the pain for 3 days. I have huffed down the street, frustrated that I can see where I am going, but I have to fight to get there.
I have seen the limitations of my resources and time. Summer isn't summer anymore. No more lazy days at the TV. No more nonchalant AIM chats that last all day. Hello long work- days. Hello!
My head hurts, I'm tired. There, I said it. I just want to go on a hiatus from being "Arri: daughter, sister, friend" to "Arri." Can I just exist? I'm asking a general audience a simple question.
Thank you.
PS
Yes, Sam. I do keep a journal. Via Facebook.
(flashback) Summer Began with a Fall
It took me falling and spraining both my ankles to slow me down. Even then, I preferred walking in pain to hobbling on those crutches.
And in my mind, I committed heresies and a silent blasphemy. In my anger at God, I pulled away- in the most painful way. And while cooking dinner last night, a voice in my heart said "There is no God."
But I still prayed before I ate.
Just now, walking up and down College Ave., I saw God's creation in a new light. Through the haze and fog, it all made sense... it was all so... beautiful.
So yeah... not to wax poetic:
Life is beautiful
(flashback) Impetus: Rage
Upon opening the refrigerator, I saw yet another instance of theft. In some manner of stupor or amoral thought, some one ripped a hole in my last bag of frozen vegetables. And to filll the empty hole in their souls and stomachs, they consulted my last supply of carbohydrates: my tortillas. Fine. But they forgot to close the ziploc bag.
And something came unhinged. I took my eyes off God for a scant moment.
Who were these people to take my food? Last night, I cooked my simplest meal yet, while asking a neighbor, "who does this?" He answered simply, with that accent of his, "Rats. Rascals too." I nodded, not quite grasping the truth of his statement. What sort of man happily consumes that which was stolen? Are purloined goods so sweet?
In that moment, at that thought, my indignance at the thought: my hard work feeds some one else? And this undeserving someone else often smiles at me and greets me cordially!
*sigh*
The smile I lost became the hardened face of rage. In the silence, my heart hardened as well. In the clank and crack of earthenware and glass, I found release for my lachrymose moment. This same release is oft self- inflicted pain, where bleeding is abundant from accidental contact between skin and broken glass. But the sound and fury of the earthware and glass- the promise of satisfaction- it eluded me in my deaf rage.
Not only was I deaf, I was blind. My rage made me a blind deaf- mute. I could find no verbal expression for the real question: "Why, God?" In my choked up moment, I lost the verbiosity of my poetic ponderings.
In a ragged breath, I realized that I had been holding my breath, and my heart raced. My heaet continued its errant race for another five minutes.
Rage is like a drug. I am convinced.
-arri
* (in order to prevent an internal rhyme in my prose I avoided "face" although I could use a synonym for "place.").
Christianity and Environmentalism:
Wrong.
My only objection to the environmental movement is its emphasis on the creation, and its strange omission of the Creator. However, I do acknowledge that some, if not most, do not hold the same beliefs I hold. My intent is not to condemn anyone who does not believe what I believe; rather my hope is to exercise my right to free speech and share my thoughts with all of you.
See, in Genesis 1:26 we see God commit the wild animals of the earth to man's dominion:
Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, [a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground."
Dominion, here, does not mean what domination connotes- it means sovereignty, preeminence, among other synonyms. Implicit in the word "dominion" is a responsibility.
again, in verse 28,
God blessed them and said to them {Adam and Eve}, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground."
The wording here is problematic- "subdue"- the most fitting synonyms would be "subjugate" "rein in" and "master." The man as master of the earth- ideally would mean he has a responsibility to the creation- especially since he and the creation share the same Creator. And that Creator is God Almighty.
My point is, nowhere does it say "exploit." Exploitation is the utilization of human capital, natural resources and the like for personal profit. Exploitation is never a good thing. Centuries of exploiting our natural resources has led to the deterioration of our environment- accelerating the increase in the earth's temperatures, and speeding the process of the melting icecaps. We see more famines due to water- mismanagement and abuse, and lands stripped of nutrients for the production of staple, profitable crops. And the bottom line to all of this was profit.
Profit trumped the displacement of peoples. Profit was more important than the Lord's wonderful and magnificent creatures.
There are several other relevant passages, including:
Psalm 8:5-8
You [God] made him [man] a little lower than the heavenly beings [a]
and crowned him with glory and honor.
You made him ruler over the works of your hands;
you put everything under his feet:
all flocks and herds,
and the beasts of the field,
the birds of the air,
and the fish of the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
It is clear, God's mandate was not that we USE the earth for our selfish desires, rather, we responsibly live on this earth as the dominant creation. Surely God would not wish that we ravage the earth in search of that black gold at the cost of continental shelves and marine biodiversity (which is what would happen if we drilled offshore), and he certainly did not want use to exploit the labor of our fellow humans for the sake of a few more diamonds or a dew ounces of coltan.
I do believe that we should seek to improve our use of this earth- as our children and their children will inherit the earth we leave behind. To do otherwise would be selfish and unconscionable. I don't mean to suggest that we give up our wealth and live among those living in the Amazon region (they would not be pleased with your presence), nor do I suggest that you stop consuming goods totally. My suggestion is to, at the very least, be conscientious of the repercussions of your consumption patterns.
If you ingest Coke or Starbucks, you are contributing to the massive waste of fresh water- a scarce resource we have yet to replicate viably.
If you buy a DeBeers diamond, you are further enabling a diamond cartel to impose unfair and dangerous labor conditions on their laborers, simultaneously disproportionately controlling the price level of diamonds on the open world market.
And that's not even all.
I'm not saying this is written in the Bible- no, it is not. I am saying that this logically follows Jesus' command that we love others as we love ourselves. Surely you would not choose to pollute the water that is your own lifeline- as it is for those living along the Amazon River.
I'm no environmentalist, but I am a Christian. And I believe that my responsibility is to live a life worth retelling at St. Peter's gate. That includes the objects I bought and the injustices I was complicit in.
thanks.
and this is only a draft.
Monday, December 8, 2008
A Series of Unfortunate Events:
I took the LSAT without incident on Saturday. Promptly afterwards I slept for about 12 hours while battling sickness. Sunday was a long and unproductive day- which I spent in bed for the most part. I didn't leave the house except to take out the trash.
It began as I was heading to bed. I rinsed my dishes and walked away- possibly distracted by a tangential thought. So, then I walked upstairs thinking if the spaghetti I'd ingest. Only after placing the Tupperware container on the countertop did I wonder, "why is there water flowing across the countertop?"
I look over on my right and the water is still on. Then I look down and my shoes and pants are slowly soaking up the water and the water is approaching the half inch mark. All I could do was laugh. Then of course, things get worse before they get better- my roommate runs upstairs and tells me that there is water dripping through cracks in the ceiling of the living room- onto the couch.
Man, what a fiasco. So I mopped it up, and mopped the bathroom for good measure. May have to take the floor boards out to stop the rotting.
THEN this morning, I was walking to class, and this guy on a skateboard going the same direction runs over my foot- the same foot I broke over the summer- on the same exact bone. I am still limping... and that was 8 hrs ago.
My day can only get better from this point on! :D
you know what? Life is good.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
300th Post: A Short Reverie
He said without a beat, "You."
"Oh."
He disappeared from view and returned with a mirror. "See? I have two displays. My camera is here, and your screen is there." He turned the mirror and she saw a large desktop display with a mirror image of herself on it. He put the mirror down and nodded quietly.
She shifted in her seat, staring at the box where his face was. Camera chatting was so... ordinary, yet strange. It was strange in the sense that she could see him, but she could not reach out and touch him. She could fall in love with him without ever smelling him or seeing his purposeful walk. Worst of all, he could see her, with all her paroxysms of emotion and uncertainty. He could see her stumble over the words that were clear and fluent in her mind, and the subsequent nervous smile was, without a doubt, quite visible to him.
He hummed to himself, a song he'd been playing on his iPod. She interrupted the moment with a question, "what song are you humming?"
He paused, playing it for her.
She smiled widely, "Is it bad that I don't know this song?"
He shook his head, "No, not at all."
Saturday, December 6, 2008
LSAT today!

Hello All:
3 hrs 43 mins until the LSAT. I had a bit of troublesome sleep (about 3-4 hrs total) and I woke up sweaty. Eeeeep. I kept having dreams that were essentially jumbles of thought flying too fast to make sense. It wasn't scary- just disturbing. I like tranquility...
I suppose all of this is due to anticipation. I was worried more about getting to the test center in Hayward than I was about the actual test. Oh, and I've been taking practice exams... I get all the logic games and arguments right! And I'm pretty good at the reading comprehension thing.
For now I'm going to eat and read.
Tata
-arri
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Hello Again
I'm studying at Cafe Milano, and it hit me...
I've decided I want to go into international law. Or at least study it...
Pain
Despite things going well academically, things are not going well spiritually or relationally. Fights just make things hard, eh?
I have a choice between embracing my pain and letting the tears flow, and pretending its not there and dealing with it 2 weeks from now. Then again... my emotions do run over during finals. YET I always do academically.
I wonder how it is that I can get A's on papers, B+s on midterms and still have a hard time forming bonds with others?
Something to consider:
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26, 27
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Law School Applications: Prelims

As I am in the process of studying for the LSAT (which is 3 days from now), I decided to reconsider the schools I am applying to. After looking at various schools and their specialties, I have come up with yet another rudimentary list of schools:
Most Attractive Options:
1- University of California, Berkeley, Boalt School of Law-
Practically, it makes sense, paying in- state tuition and living near friends and family. Plus faculty specializing in International Law here are pretty amazing.
2- University of California, Davis, MLK School of Law-
I'd be close to home, and it would be possible to commute from home, and cut my living expenses down to gas- while paying in- state tuition... My mom would be very happy. Down side... I'd need a car. I can work and pay for a used one this coming summer.
A Little Bit of a Stretch
3- Howard University-
I love DC, and I would very likely get into this school. However, if I do decide to go to into public service, it would be to my advantage to attend a school in my home state. Additionally, I'd be a 6 hr flight away from my nuclear family, and a 4 hr flight away from my maternal grandparents. Again, I love DC...
4- Georgetown University-
This school is great for clinical training and International Law, AND it is in DC. Did I mention how much I love DC? So... Same downsides as Howard.
5- University of Chicago School of Law-
- I'd be a 4 hr flight from home, in the Windy City. I like Chicago... but I'm not sure if I want to go to school there.
Reaching:
6- Harvard University-
I admit, I have never seen any appeal in attending Ivy League schools. I have no desire to do so. But, if I were to get in... on scholarship... I'd buy the biggest crimson shirt out there and wear it for days. (jk) It'd also look nice on my resume.
7- Yale University
-Same thing about Ivy Leagues, but I kinda like what I see. I wanna pet Handsome Dan... and a jurisprudence degree would be nice.
8- NYU
-International Law clinics here caught my eye, but I don't much like New York.
any other schools I should consider? I do realize my scope is narrow.

