Love Trumps Feelings of Inadequacy

I have to fight off the constant temptation to indulge my feelings of inadequacy I face. Everyday, it's some little thing, occasionally, it's much bigger.

Today, it's a small and a medium one. The first, was the acknowledgment of my own weakness. I have a few... let's say, issues- that I face. I seek the wrong kind of affirmation, if I am not careful. I'll be honest- if I were to lose my inhibitions, I would dress in a manner that attracts attention. Some prideful part of me enjoys the attention, as if it gives me some worth. I resist it most of the time, but today, I nearly gave in. That was minor, because I did not. I still felt the sting of knowing I ALMOST gave in. It's disconcerting how close one can get to the edge without falling. A gust of wind could have encouraged my fall.

Part 2 of my failures: I missed work. I lost my phone at my friends' place, and had no way of reaching them or getting back into the apartment building. I worried for a moment, and awoke with a start at precisely 6:49. Did I have work? I had no idea, and I decided to go back to sleep. I didn't get my phone until 15:20. I checked my missed calls and messages- yes, a call from work, and lo and behold a message. Shoot. I emailed my boss, and he told me that my employment was suspended for the time being. Okay- so... I think this is an opportunity to get a job pertinent to my major. :]

But- I still feel like I failed.

On the other hand, I do feel absolutely loved. It's a feeling that makes everything all right.

Love is the trump card. That ace of hearts...

For now, I am looking for an internship!